We enjoyed a lot last night. It was indeed a happy day in my life. I had just told everyone that I was expecting my first child and we were on cloud nine.
Next morning I went to the doctor for my checkup, it had already been 2 months now but the doctor found something unusual.She sent me for a few more tests when she told me not to worry but I did sense something. After two days when we got the reports we understood, it had been too early for a celebration.
The doctor finally told me that the baby was abnormal and we have to get rid of it. I yelled in disbelief, “Get rid of it!?” but we had no other option.
I cried, sat in the temple for hours and asked God to save me; waiting for a miracle to happen. My cousin dropped in and her honesty hit me. She said, “There is no way that I can understand your pain and nothing that I have to say will reduce your grief but this is all that I have to give you” and she handed me a book, Messages from the Masters by Brain Weiss, and I told her that I am not a reader and I don’t feel like reading.
She insisted a lot that I should start. The first few pages did not make any sense to me and in the meanwhile the doctor told me that we have to wait for a week before the abortion. So just crying, cursing and fighting with God I made another effort with the book (it was just a way of shooing off people who came to meet me)
The book spoke about people going into past lives and meeting their loved ones and resolving a lot of emotional issues, finding their soul mates in the present life and this induced some interest in me. Everyone in the family was telling me the same old thing, “Beta, everything happens for your own good” but I could not figure out any good in it. I did not know how to console myself, I still had 5 more days with my baby; my heart sank.
I read ahead and during this one particular episode the woman was taken back to the time of her birth, in the womb before she was born and I could easily relate to it being a mother now. It showed how a child can hear and feel everyone around even before being born which explained how children whose parents are more welcoming towards the new born baby become physically and emotionally stronger.
I read more experiences of people and it spoke of how we decide to live with our loved ones at the soul level itself. It stresses on the point and has sufficient proof that we do come back to our loved ones and in most cases people have recognized their family members and close friends in other life-times. I started to meditate as per the book and my faith in God became stronger. I had become more spiritual and I could feel the healing.
The thing that struck me the most was that the writer of the book had suffered a similar tragedy- he lost his 24-day old son, I know how it must have felt but during a regression he found out that it had happened for his own success later in his life.
The toughest day of my life was here but I did not cry even for a single moment. Because I know my baby is not going far from me. Instead it (I don’t know whether it’s a she or he) is waiting for the right time to come into our life. I needed to let it go because it is for the larger good for all of us.
I feel stronger emotionally and thank God for giving me such a wonderful experience for two months.
I sat in the car to come back home and my husband played the radio on which this song was playing- “So close no matter how far”- and I hugged him tightly.
